No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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