Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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