If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dicks are not precious.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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