Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
