i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
