if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
