bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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