Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Farmville is her only friend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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