Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
