hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
