you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
