Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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