you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
