i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
