Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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