Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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