If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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