It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
