He kissed a someone with a penis
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
