At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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