Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
