I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
