sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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