I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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