Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
