it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
