Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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