Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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