The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god it's open bar.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize