Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
