mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
