Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
