I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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