R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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