help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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