im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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