It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
