I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
