just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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