It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
