I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
