So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
