You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
