GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
