I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
