Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
