don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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