You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
