i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
