Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
