I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
