doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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