just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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