you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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