She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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