He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
