you guys were way drunker than both of me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
