Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
