when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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