first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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