i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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