I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
