It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
